TIGER PARENT : TO ROAR OR NO MORE?

       There are many works of literature today to choose from to broaden our knowledge and viewpoint of any subject matter. This can be provided by both fiction and non-fiction topics. One such subject which piqued my interest was that of a phenomenon or role called “tiger parent”. This tiger mother or parent was coined or maybe gained popularity from the book ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’ by Amy Chua. The book is basically a memoir of the author in raising her children using strict and disciplinarian tactics to achieve academic excellence. Rather than being a review of the book, this write up is to delve more into the role of the conventional parent, the pros and cons of it and also to look into other alternatives.

    It is always best to start with the positives of this culture of strict parenting. The existence of this practice is well known, especially in Asian cultures where prominence to seniority, respect to elders, adhering to the tried, tested and working model is the norm. There is nothing wrong in maintaining a system or formula which can guarantee success in whatever endeavor that we set out to do. Implementing discipline among children is done with the hope that they will grow to become good individuals with well moulded morals and character. A tiger parent strives to assist the child to learn his or her deficiencies and to work harder to rectify or even eliminate a so called weakness. The child will be taught on how to be productive and responsible, particularly in their studies and learn not to quit, no matter how impossible a situation may be. Strict parents will also drive home the mantra that expecting greatness and not accepting mediocrity wherever possible.

    However, it is not all rosy with being a strict parent. For proponents of the saying ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’, it needs to be brought to their attention that in actual fact, sparing the rod might be the best method to actually help the child become better. What dilemma most parents face is to clearly define and differentiate between discipline and punishment. Discipline aims to make the child to comply with rules deemed beneficial for his betterment. There must be proper explanation of why a specific rule needs to be followed and what the consequences will be of breaking it. For example, a parent might impose a rule that watching television should not exceed two hours a day. By breaking that rule, the parent should advise that the child’s studies will be affected, or eyesight might deteriorate and even time spent for extra-curricular activities will be spent unwisely. Rather than doing this, parents tend to emphasise on the different levels of punishment that will be meted. This will only lead to the feeling of resentment rather than learning the true essence of discipline.

    Excessive discipline also adds on to the fear and pressure faced by the child. Children should be allowed to grow and learn new things at their pace without having everything forced on to them. Even enjoyable activities like learning a new hobby or sports can become tedious and torturous when there is no freedom granted to take in the experience but in its place, there is timetable to plan out each and every hour of the child’s life. Another serious impact it will have on the child is on the social aspect. The child will be affected mentally and emotionally and may not have the adequate social faculties to foster and preserve a relationship. This will actually be a manifestation of the years of disciplining the child had to endure in his or her formative years.

    With these points clarified, the role of a parent can be defined clearly. Any parent will need to know that their child is special and unique, unlike any other and needs their attention and guidance to realize their potential no matter what that may be. If the child needs more time and patience to find that, then so be it. It is pointless to measure their progress with another child’s or with accepted standards of measure solely. Individuality need to be cherished rather than abhorred. On the issue of discipline, parents must inculcate desired principles by way of explaining and practice rather than the threat of fear or punishment. Discipline is a way of life to adopt and not a set of rules to enforce without proper justification. In today’s world of knowledge proliferation, children are not fully dependent on their parents but also use the “Internet of Things” and their friends for reference and opinion. This shows their preference for a source which is not judgmental nor overbearing in imparting any knowledge or experience. Therefore, the parents of today need to take on the role of a friend who will lend an ear and shoulder whenever needed. What can be concluded is that parents do not need to fall into the trap that the world is a jungle and that they need to morph into “tiger parents”. Just being human parents will do. 

Written by: Paramjothy Paramaselvam for Tuitionprovider.com